Hide and Go Seek Blog

Grace called, the other day. “How have you been?” She asked.

“I’m good, it’s Christmas time, always a busy time.”

“We haven’t had a good time in a while, you know.”

“Yeah, well I’ve been busy Grace, I know, I’ve been meaning to call, but you know, things happen. I’m sorry  I haven’t gotten around to it.”

“You sound tired, Chad, have you been resting?”

“I sleep when I can, sometimes there’s a late night, but I feel pretty good.”

“That’s not what I asked. Have you rested? I don’t think you’ve ever felt good enough to know what feeling good actually feels like.”

“Well thanks Grace…”

“Take the load off your shoulders once in a while. It doesn’t have to be there anymore. You know we’ve offered to take it from you. You should let us once in a while.”

“It’s just my thing. There’s nothing that anyone else needs to do for me. It’s my responsibility to carry it.”

“It doesn’t have to be, Chad.”

“For right now, it does.”

                “What about your girlfriend, how is she?”

                “We broke up, but we’re still friends.”

                “Still friends? Well that’s good.”

                “Yeah, it is.”

                “You know Chad, we’ve been talking about you lately.”

                “Oh, yeah, what about.”

                “Just you in general. It doesn’t seem as if any of us have spoken to you in a while.”

                “Well, I’ve been busy.”

                “Yeah, we figured so…How are you really feeling Chad? I know things have been rough lately, but you need to know we’re there for you. Your girlfriend, school, going home for Christmas, why haven’t we talked earlier? You shouldn’t have to go through this stuff by yourself.”

                “Grace, I don’t want to talk about it. It’s just something I have to deal with for right now.”

                “I just feel as though I hardly know you anymore, it’s been such a long time. You’re turning into a man, look in the mirror, and I don’t know you anymore.  I know that there’s something inside that you’re too afraid to tell anyone, but what is it?”

                “Nothing, Grace. I just need to take care of some things, and I’ll come visit when I’m done. I’d love to see everyone again. Just for now I’m a little busy.”

                “You’re good enough to come now, do you know that?”

                “No, I don’t think I am, I don’t think you understand my situation.”

                “What situation, Chad? There has never been a situation before when I couldn’t help?”

                “I know, just not this one.”

                “What is going on Chad?

                “Do you want to know what’s going on? You really want to know? It’s all messed up Grace. I feel like I’m living in a puzzle where none of the pieces fit together properly. The more I force them together, the less the picture makes any sense. I’m a block on ice inside, and it feels as though it has been smashed into thousands of sharp pieces, poking me from the inside. I feel as though there’s no where to turn.”

                “You can turn to me, you’ve always come to us.”

                “You don’t even know, Grace, where I’ve been, things have changed, I couldn’t come now.”

                “I know Chad. We talked about it. We all know.”

                “Well there. Then you know. So stop asking.”

                “That’s why I am asking. Because I know. I know you’re crying on the inside, but you’ve stopped being able to do it on the outside.”

                “It’s because no one cares to see it. No one should have to see it.”

                “They care Chad, we care.

                “Yeah, well, prove it. I didn’t see you guys when it hurt the most. When I really needed you, I was just left there, hurt, alone and worst of all…abandoned.

                “That’s not true Chad, we were there. We’ve left messages with you’re answering service. We even wrote letters. E-mails. None of them redeemed a response though. That’s why you should come Chad. Stop beating yourself up. Rest. Take the weight off your shoulders. It’s not your fault. “

                “See, Grace, I know all that stuff in my head, but it just never makes it to my heart. I know a lot of stuff, hear the same answers to my problems all the time, but it never does any good. I know a lot of stuff, but believe very little.”

                “Come Chad, the door is open. I am waiting for you.”

                “Grace, you know I’m too busy.”

                “Too busy for Grace?”