Hide and Go Seek Blog

How far is God going to push me? How far is He willing to drag me across the finish line? How has he not given up on my yet? Every step I turn away from Him, He’s stil standing there, not in judgement, but with a face of preperation, in his “power stance”. Like He knows how bad I’m about to screw up, and He’s still there.

It seems though God has pushed me into a corner. I’ve felt so bitter and angry at everything I’ve gone through, everything that forms my story. I felt beyond useless, like when my mom makes a meal of all the week’s leftover’s put together. How does that make any sense? How can a collection of all the things no body wanted be desireable? Just write it off and start again. Learn from these mistakes from the past week, don’t push further into failure and make “the ultimate mistake”. What is He going to push me through next? What button do I have to push in order to get a break, at least call a timeout?

I think the worst thing that God could ever ask me to do is marry a prostitute. I get so emotionally involved in anything I do, falling in love with a corner-worker would kill me. My emotions would start cancelling each other out, I’d start smelling burnt toast and all of a sudden I’d be gone. I struggle with jealousy enough as it is, imagine having a reason to be jealous of every man in town.

But that’s exactly what God goes through when He choose to fall in love with us, not only did He know that it wouldn’t be returned, but that we wouldn’t even try and hide our adultery. We wear our adultury as a uniform, it’s our profession, our very occupation. This is played out in the book of Hosea, but something has come to mind today. God’s never going to ask us to go anywhere He hasn’t been already.

Though it may feel as though God is dragging me through the hardest time in my life, through it all He’s inviting me deeper into a relationship with Him, through experiencing His grace a fresh, for the first time in a brand new way. The terrible part about it is that until it becomes heart knowledge, it is stillborn as head knowledge. Until I allow myself to excerience this grace in the fullness that I can write it, then this part of the story remains unwritten. That’s where words grow wings and fly.

, Chad

I like to tell stories. Jesus liked to tell stories. He told stories to make a point, as well as draw his audience into his topic. He knew that unless they understood what he was talking about, it never would make a real world difference in their lives. Not that I want to justify anything, but I must admit that it’s a style I try and imitate. Telling stories to make an application. Painting a picture that associates to someone else’s own story.  I hope that as you read, you won’t be caught off guard by the candidness of my own writing, my own emotion, and my own feelings. Though I cherish your concern, I hope that my own dramatics do not overshadow the message that I am attempting to paint. Whether it be a story about a job interview, or a story about Grace, my dream and purpose has hopefully always been to strike a common heart beat with someone else, leaving them with hope, or my simply something to think about.
Friends, please forgive me if I have written with a secondary motive inside. This was never supposed to be a platform of burden, but a birthplace for hope. Those who know me best may disagree, and I thank you for that.
All the best, please keep up your side of the conversation

, Chad

Grace called, the other day. “How have you been?” She asked.

“I’m good, it’s Christmas time, always a busy time.”

“We haven’t had a good time in a while, you know.”

“Yeah, well I’ve been busy Grace, I know, I’ve been meaning to call, but you know, things happen. I’m sorry  I haven’t gotten around to it.”

“You sound tired, Chad, have you been resting?”

“I sleep when I can, sometimes there’s a late night, but I feel pretty good.”

“That’s not what I asked. Have you rested? I don’t think you’ve ever felt good enough to know what feeling good actually feels like.”

“Well thanks Grace…”

“Take the load off your shoulders once in a while. It doesn’t have to be there anymore. You know we’ve offered to take it from you. You should let us once in a while.”

“It’s just my thing. There’s nothing that anyone else needs to do for me. It’s my responsibility to carry it.”

“It doesn’t have to be, Chad.”

“For right now, it does.”

                “What about your girlfriend, how is she?”

                “We broke up, but we’re still friends.”

                “Still friends? Well that’s good.”

                “Yeah, it is.”

                “You know Chad, we’ve been talking about you lately.”

                “Oh, yeah, what about.”

                “Just you in general. It doesn’t seem as if any of us have spoken to you in a while.”

                “Well, I’ve been busy.”

                “Yeah, we figured so…How are you really feeling Chad? I know things have been rough lately, but you need to know we’re there for you. Your girlfriend, school, going home for Christmas, why haven’t we talked earlier? You shouldn’t have to go through this stuff by yourself.”

                “Grace, I don’t want to talk about it. It’s just something I have to deal with for right now.”

                “I just feel as though I hardly know you anymore, it’s been such a long time. You’re turning into a man, look in the mirror, and I don’t know you anymore.  I know that there’s something inside that you’re too afraid to tell anyone, but what is it?”

                “Nothing, Grace. I just need to take care of some things, and I’ll come visit when I’m done. I’d love to see everyone again. Just for now I’m a little busy.”

                “You’re good enough to come now, do you know that?”

                “No, I don’t think I am, I don’t think you understand my situation.”

                “What situation, Chad? There has never been a situation before when I couldn’t help?”

                “I know, just not this one.”

                “What is going on Chad?

                “Do you want to know what’s going on? You really want to know? It’s all messed up Grace. I feel like I’m living in a puzzle where none of the pieces fit together properly. The more I force them together, the less the picture makes any sense. I’m a block on ice inside, and it feels as though it has been smashed into thousands of sharp pieces, poking me from the inside. I feel as though there’s no where to turn.”

                “You can turn to me, you’ve always come to us.”

                “You don’t even know, Grace, where I’ve been, things have changed, I couldn’t come now.”

                “I know Chad. We talked about it. We all know.”

                “Well there. Then you know. So stop asking.”

                “That’s why I am asking. Because I know. I know you’re crying on the inside, but you’ve stopped being able to do it on the outside.”

                “It’s because no one cares to see it. No one should have to see it.”

                “They care Chad, we care.

                “Yeah, well, prove it. I didn’t see you guys when it hurt the most. When I really needed you, I was just left there, hurt, alone and worst of all…abandoned.

                “That’s not true Chad, we were there. We’ve left messages with you’re answering service. We even wrote letters. E-mails. None of them redeemed a response though. That’s why you should come Chad. Stop beating yourself up. Rest. Take the weight off your shoulders. It’s not your fault. “

                “See, Grace, I know all that stuff in my head, but it just never makes it to my heart. I know a lot of stuff, hear the same answers to my problems all the time, but it never does any good. I know a lot of stuff, but believe very little.”

                “Come Chad, the door is open. I am waiting for you.”

                “Grace, you know I’m too busy.”

                “Too busy for Grace?”

Does the coolness of Christ help the Christian Cause or Hinder the Message of the Gospel…or both?

It’s hard to tell, watching the news, reading the newspaper and magazine articles, whether or not the Christianity thing is the latest pop-culture crazy or a culturally diverse religious revolution that has divided the entire world for two thousand years and counting. In a little town in the Middle East a small child was born to a woman claiming to be a virgin.
Today we mark the occasion with a celebration that brings together King and peasant alike. Yet when it happened it was the source of little fanfare, but the start of something big. The birth of Christ is the cornerstone of the Christian faith, the celebration of which being the difference between the God of the Universe and the Baal of the Old Testament—God’s persistent, pursuant love for his children. Christianity is the only major world religion that is based around a creator’s love and desire for deep growing relationship with His creation. And Christmas, one of two celebrations of that, is dead. It’s been swallowed by advertising and marketing and presents and everything to do with Christmas. One question that needs to be asked is…Has Satan won Christmas?
In the forth century, the emperor Constantine, who will remain my favorite historical figure next to Jesus himself, made Christianity the Roman standard for the day, one of the most unforeseen political moves in time. At that time, the church starts to become inundated with a barrage of diverse beliefs, world views, motives and culture. It was no longer the secret sect striving for life, but now the talk of the town. The doors were opening for the church to become the overriding powerhouse, both socially and politically, into bigger stature and into bigger buildings. Yet was the message of Jesus Christ become less and less the centre of attention? Did it become marginalized next to what would become a simple and subtle struggle for power in the church—and reflected by the state?
The message of Jesus Christ reflected by the church turned from “make disciples” into “make believers” a huge difference in meaning and in application and a very relative term at that (Believe what?). Jesus is now content with attendance and involvement, instead of the old days when He was only ever interested in being absolute Lord over a man’s very life.
Christ is the servant of all, but does that mean that he is at our beck and call, there for our every need? There was one time, I remember, when a man found Jesus walking on the road. He was exciting for the opportunity to actually meet this Jesus, from Nazareth, that everyone was talking about.
Indeed, there was quite a buzz surrounding the man, a mysterious presence that surrounded him. It must have been this mysterious presence that attracted the large following that began to travel and live following him around the region. This following actually had friends of this man in it, maybe even some family members. This lifestyle, this following Jesus around, seemed like a very lucrative deal. It had perks. No work, simply life on the road, stopping to listen to Jesus’ teaching and see incredible things that no one could fully explain, living on the charity of the local hosts. It was like being a roady for Jesus.
Finally, an opportunity to become of those roadies. Finally, an opportunity to meet the man that everyone has been talking about, and ask him personally to follow him. There was an expectation of tremendous gratitude at the anticipation of another loyal follower. The timing wasn’t perfect. The house wasn’t in order. There were things in the man’s life that needed to be accomplished before he could leave it all behind to go on the road, but the man knew that Christ would wait for him, that in a short time, he could join Christ on the road.
Indeed, the man was met with such anticipation that it was Christ who asked the man, first, “Follow me,”
The man said, “Jesus, I want to follow you, I do, but let me first go and take care of business at home, so that I can go on the road and live with you and the other disciples without having to worry about my family or my workers. Will you still be here when I get back.”
Jesus’ reply took away all hope. “let your house take care of itself, for to follow me means following me now, for when you return I will be gone.” (Luke 9:59-60 Chad’s paraphrase)
It is the amazing realization of the dreams and goals of the Kingdom of Heaven for the message of Christ to be popular all over the world—but only if it’s the right message. I don’t think it is. The message of Jesus Christ that the world has adopted as popular is in complete disarray to the reason Christ was born two thousand years ago. The message is no longer about relationship, friendship, Fathership, sacrifice and Lordship. Christmas is not about Christmas anymore.