Hide and Go Seek Blog

Have you ever felt as though you had come to the edge of your own self. Right now, it’s November. It’s so cold outside. It’s so dark outside. It’s so dark, cold and alone outside. I feel like I’m standing on the edge of my own capacity to live. I’ve gone as far as I can go, before I am not able to go any further. All the hurt, and all the silence, and all the rejection, and all the pain get in the way of going any further, and so I sit on the edge and cry. I’ve come to end of the line.
God, I’ve come to the end of the line. I’ve come to the edge of my own ability to live. I have come to an end. If I am ever to stand up and go any further, than it can only be through you. I don’t know what to pray. I don’t know what to ask, but it seems like my scene is coming to a close. I am to needy to do any good to anyone. I am to desperate to do any good for anyone. I’m losing friends. I’m losing the only people that ever meant anything to me, and I can’t say it’s my fault. The enemy is good at what he does.
Pain is God’s loudspeaker to a dying world. (C. S. Lewis) It’s true. It seems that while He was knitting me together in my mother’s womb, He didn’t make me as complete as He could have. It seems that he left certain things out, in order that I may come to know and love the Lord. I will never come to the point where I am sufficient without God. I am to incomplete without Him. But it hurts. Nothing is ever perfect.
I am so sorry that I am this way. I am so sorry I am not what you deserve. I live to please you, but I can’t so what good am I to you?
God, you have my attention. Now do a miracle. Please, for our sake.

, Chad