Hide and Go Seek Blog

Have you ever felt as though you had come to the edge of your own self. Right now, it’s November. It’s so cold outside. It’s so dark outside. It’s so dark, cold and alone outside. I feel like I’m standing on the edge of my own capacity to live. I’ve gone as far as I can go, before I am not able to go any further. All the hurt, and all the silence, and all the rejection, and all the pain get in the way of going any further, and so I sit on the edge and cry. I’ve come to end of the line.
God, I’ve come to the end of the line. I’ve come to the edge of my own ability to live. I have come to an end. If I am ever to stand up and go any further, than it can only be through you. I don’t know what to pray. I don’t know what to ask, but it seems like my scene is coming to a close. I am to needy to do any good to anyone. I am to desperate to do any good for anyone. I’m losing friends. I’m losing the only people that ever meant anything to me, and I can’t say it’s my fault. The enemy is good at what he does.
Pain is God’s loudspeaker to a dying world. (C. S. Lewis) It’s true. It seems that while He was knitting me together in my mother’s womb, He didn’t make me as complete as He could have. It seems that he left certain things out, in order that I may come to know and love the Lord. I will never come to the point where I am sufficient without God. I am to incomplete without Him. But it hurts. Nothing is ever perfect.
I am so sorry that I am this way. I am so sorry I am not what you deserve. I live to please you, but I can’t so what good am I to you?
God, you have my attention. Now do a miracle. Please, for our sake.

, Chad

Today in church, we have certain values. These values are certainly different than the ones former ages of Christians once had. At a glance, the values of the first Christians were fellowship, sound doctrine and last but not least, staying alive after holding to the first two. After the days of Constantine and the rise of the church to a state of power, both theologically and politically, things changed. After the fourth century, church moves from being a backroom sect of Judaism, unto the mainstream. For the first time, church is cool. Christianity is cool. Constantine made it cool. Literally, church was the only option.
For the first time, people flood the sanctuary. People from all walks of life. People from different belief systems, different backgrounds, different religions. It may be true that the first church potluck as of belief systems, and not cabbage rolls. All of a sudden there were things we couldn’t really say anymore. Things needed to be explained in more depth, and values changed. We started to value big. We started to value flash. We started to value the depth of the size of the crowd, instead of the depth of the heart of the crowd.
Sound familiar? Today, we have much of the same value systems. Christianity has become a seeker sensitive place where things that are big and flashy and large in populous win out over things that are good and true and sound. There is a pop-Christianity that looks good, it comes as a label for everything good that Christ came to do for us, yet like any label, it only lies skin deep, possible masking the shottie workmanship and substance of the material itself. Like any t-shirt I could buy at the corner boardshop, with the hottest brand plastered all over it. I willingly pay an obscene amount simply for the label. I am not paying for the t-shirt itself, but to take on the image of the value systems and beliefs of that brand onto myself. I make it look like I am a fun-loving wild party animal, talented and the life of the party. Though it’s absolutely not true. I can pay money to make people think that.
With Christianity, the same thing applies. I can take on the image of the values and beliefs, I can make everyone look at me a certain way, even though it’s absolutely not true. Somewhere along the line, we turned our attention from God, to other people. We started to put stock in the opinions of others, and lost our focus on the Word of God, the life of Jesus and the conviction of the Holy Spirit.
Throughout history, from Genesis right through to Revelation, there has been and always be a righteous line that continues in righteousness and carries on as the bride of Christ. They strive for the things of God. They don’t ride the line. They forget about being edgy. They run away from the edge and strive for righteousness. They know that righteousness is about knowing that the only thing that matters is staying the course and finishing the race. They know that the only safe place is under the wings of God, as far from the edge as possible.
This place, this blog, has never been a place for empty words, but words of hope, truth and promise. I never want to use my position to brown nose. The following words are words of truth, hope and promise.
This blog entry is dedicated to Rev. Dale Reesor, a dear friend of mine. Today I learned a lesson in what really matters. My aspirations to attain high positions of Christian leadership do not matter. Any desire to become famous fell in meaninglessness. Any hope of become big, flashy or attractive to the numbers were shown for what they really were, a hope of becoming worth something.
I learned today that I am worth something. I learned that what really matters are changing people, and being changed by people. I learned that all that really matters is finishing this race for the glory of my Lord Jesus Christ. Thank you Dale. Go, and finish the race.
Love,
Chad

Walking into a fast food restaurant along one of the more trendy streets of Edmonton, Alberta I am caught off guard by a sight that I was simply unprepared for. It came without warning, yet maybe it did, but there in the entrance was someone’s home, the true definition of temporary. A sleeping bag lumped into a disorganized clutter, making it impossible to overcome without having to stare the stark reality of the truth of this message right in the face.

As the winter sweeps in on the city, the homeless that runs epidemic in this city is forced to manifest itself in an even more depressing, yet powerfully unforgettable way. The homeless are forced to come out of the shadows to find warm in fear of losing life. They watch the memories of their shattered lived dance in front of fires set in trash cans, do whatever possible to forget. Forget the past. Forget about the present. Stop thinking about the future. The mild tendency to stay forgotten is replaced by a desperation for staying alive.

At this point comfort is a foreign dream. They are driven by a need for the basics of life. Food. Water. Warmth. They are so desperate to stay alive that they have no problem getting into the comfort zones of those around them. There begging becomes for immediate. Their search for warmth lands them in places that they will surely be evicted from. There desperation leads them to do things no other human with all the comforts of home would ever dream of doing. The homeless are looked down upon in society, not only for their situation, but for the distance they are willing to go to get into our comfort zones—out of desperation—in order simply to live.

To be truthful, this desperation is inspiring. It reminds me of something Jesus once said. In Luke 9:58 “Jesus replied, “Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.”” It reminds me that on this Earth, I have no home. Apart from my inheritance in Heaven, as a follower of Christ, there is no place on Earth I can home. On this planet, this side of ultimate grace, I am a homeless Christian. And what kind of desperation do I have for the basic needs of this Christian life. My need for water, when Jesus says to the Samaritan woman “”Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” (John 3:13-14). My need for food, when Jesus quotes Deuteronomy 8:3 “It is written: ‘Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.’” (Matthew 4:4). What about warmth, when the writer of Hebrews, quoting Deuteronomy 4:24, proclaims that, “…since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, for our “God is a consuming fire.”

Where are my desperation for God gone? It’s been forgotten in the comfort that I have lackadaisically accepted inside of the gospel of convenience I have adopted. I may look better, be better paid for what I do, have more friends, come with more prestige, more precedence, I may even come in miracles, but I have lost my true effectiveness, because I have lost the gospel, and my first love (Revelation 2:4). A homeless man off the street would go up to another man and beg for a piece of bread to save his life, but I will not go up to another man, with my piece of Bread, in order to save his life.

, Chad

Deep down inside I know without a doubt that I am a superhero, complete with superhero powers. You probably would have no idea if I hadn’t of told you. But, it’s true. They call me the Crimson Bull.
This is my insight into what every man wants.
The heart of every man in wild. It beats at its own rhythm. No man was every made to be chained to a desk. No man was made to not live by the mountains, near a lake. No man was ever made to stop, drop and roll.

#1 – Every man needs to be valued. That’s why everyman aspires to be a superhero. They want to be valued by society. They want to be wanted. They desire intimate relationships with people who develop a necessity of him. They want to be the best at something, most of the time everything. They grunt loud, play hard and bleed a lot, just to be valued as a player in society.
Men find value through the love of a good woman, teaching their boys to hit baseballs with bats, ride a bicycle and tune a Harley and showing their girls how they should be treated by any other man.
- A man who is suffering in this area will begin to irrationally find ways to be valued. This may include purchasing season tickets to the local professional sports team, joining the men’s hockey league at age 50 with no former playing experience, or even more dangerously getting into pornography or even adultery were fantasy is the only source of value.
- Possible Remedies – Let a man know he’s valued. Don’t be afraid to show them you like them, or even love them.

#2 – Every man needs to be noticed. Super-heroes rarely hide their supremacy. They can’t because of the great contrast between them and the normal Joe on the street. Ever notice the great lengths men will go to gain the attention of another human being, and usually a mass crowd of other human beings all at once. They paint their chests at the football game. They honk their horns in traffic. They yell at the television. It’s not unlike a man to desire the centre of attention. They love loud. If I man likes a woman, she will know, and know often. Unapologetically.
- A man suffering in this area will begin to find other ways to get the attention of other people. These could take the form of problem risk taking behaviors such as model railroading, taking up a paper route or getting a pet bird. Unfortunately, the danger is that without the proper recognition in a man’s life, he will slowly drift to indifference, unable to perform the tasks that gave him value.
- Possible Remedies – take notice of his value. Let him know you notice.

#3 Every man needs to be fearless. Superheroes are never afraid. They have no reason to be. Nothing stops them from doing what they need to do. For men, nothing stops them from doing what they need to do. Whether it’s telling that girl how they feel, or making that tackle in the forth quarter to win the game, nothing stops them from accomplishing the task. No fear, not out of macho egotism, but out of a need to be noticed for their value. They need people to know they can be counted on. They need to conquer the mountain. For some the mountain is a job promotion. For other’s its just one single date. Men will go after these things that they want, without realizing any inability to conquer them.
- A man suffering in this area will begin to simply stop going after those things that they truly want. Billy Graham is a man who goes after the things that he wants, the things that God calls him to. Men who stop, simply stop. They stop functioning as fully man. They stopping showing their feelings. They stop asking.
- Possible remedies – Just be understanding.

, Chad