Hide and Go Seek Blog

The twelfth of July, 2006. Hezbollah, a paramilitary militia from the southern country of Lebanon, a predominantly Muslim nation, fire rockets aimed the Northern region of Israel. This starts what will be known throughout the region today as the July War. Not surprisingly, it also instigates again the talks of a long ago resurrected man from Nazareth, Messiah and savior of the Jews. The talks are of his foretold return. The return prophesied by Christ himself in the Gospels. And so the murmurs start of the end days, of mysteries and prophesies spoken long ago in a time of unbalance in the kingdom.
A guest, at the hotel, asked one day in July, “So…Is this the big one?” I was puzzled at first, but soon realized that it was this return that he was talking about. “Is Christ coming back,” he continued, “Is this the end?”
The expression in his face was no more serious than any answer I could give him. I looked at him and simply said, “I hope so.”
To qualify my answer I continued. “I think that this mindset of living in the days of Christ return is something that God never intended us to lose. These people in the middle east are forced to live everyday in preparation for it being there last, simply because the bombs are dropping, and at any moment it could be the end. That’s how God wants us to live. In the days of Christ’s return.”
This brings a supremacy to living out God’s commandments. No more lackadaisical nominal faith, but a Christianity that becomes pertinent out of necessity. Even more, life becomes romanticized-that is, passionate and fervent because we start living. Living for right now. We start making the decisions that we should have made a long time ago. There is an urgency in every action. You start thinking about the little things. Brushing your teeth moves from the mundane to a sacrifice of essential moments in history.
In a time when we have long forgotten the urgency of Christ’s return, as a corporation of human beings, we tend to sit on the fence a lot more. In Matthew, 12:36, Christ states that we will be judged by every idle word that we speak. I think that in a time of Christ’s return, words are used carefully, the most pertenant ones first. The words that would have the most impact. The apologies that need to be said. The “I forgive you”’s that can’t wait any longer.
“Do you know how beautiful you really are?”
“I love you so much, son”
“Daughter, you are my princess”
This is my mission. To live today. To not be afraid to be honest about how I feel, about what I know. To live with no regrets. To live in the hour of Christ’s return. To realize that the past in the cradle of God’s grace. To realize that the future really is a figment of our confident imagination, because in the past there has never been a reason to doubt the continuation of my right now. All this to know that as a belief in Christ, eternal life has already begun. To live as a heaven bound creature is to know that the right now is all there really is. I won’t, I cannot, let that go. I’m done sitting down and watching my dreams die in obscurity. I’m standing to live with no regrets. My words, I’m going to mean them. My thoughts, I’m going to process them a little to make I won’t regret saying them, and then I’m going to say them.
To me, this is living in the hour of Christ’s return.
, Chad

Psalm 23: 1-3
God, my shepherd! I don’t need a thing.
   You have bedded me down in lush meadows,
      you find me quiet pools to drink from.
   True to your word,
      you let me catch my breath
      and send me in the right direction.  

This verse from one of David’s Psalms has easily become one of the most sought after verses in the Bible for people in need of comfort. Whether struggling with anxiety or grieving the loss of a loved one, it’s gentle wording brings comfort to the hurting wounds in our lives. This has been my experience.
When life becomes to much for me to handle, when I’m on the verge of throwing in the towel, I find myself on the shores on a bubbling brook, sitting in the lap of my Father and smelling the sweet grass in the summer’s sun. The heat of the air warms up the dew that sits in quite on the individual stalks of long-grass. I can feel the heat around me, but I soon realize that I am soothed in the shade—the shade being provided by my Daddy
I am free to get up and drink from the river, which is clear as the afternoon sky. I am assured that it is cool and refreshing, but as I look to the stream, I know that I am in need of neither a spot more comfortable, nor refreshment. I am in a place passed satisfied.
It’s a place of honesty, where my Father has taken care of everything, down to the last crossed ‘t’.
There is nothing left to do, only to talk and share with Him my mortal heart. “Dad, I’m so sorry. I blew it…so bad. Dad—my best just isn’t good enough. I’m crushed, but I know deep down that it’s no one fault–but my own. Here, in this place, I know that You are my everything. You provide for me, everything I need. When my dependence on something else, or even, to my utter chagrin, someone else, causes me to lose sight of You and your ever present role in my life, I lose hard. Worse yet, I go down swinging.”
“Chad.” There was a pause in His voice, not as if He were struggling for words, but only letting me know that He is going to use correct ones. “I hate seeing you hurt.”
“I know, Lord. I know.” I cut Him off, but I’ve heard it all before.”
”I know you’ve heard it all before, but it’s true. Can’t you see that when you lose sight of this place, you get hurt? When you venture over the hill, or cross the river into the forest, you get hurt. When you forget about this place, and realize that you’re in need once again, you look to something else, some times even someone else, and you get hurt
“Well, what do you want me to do about it? This place isn’t everything. I want to know what’s across the river! I wanted to know what’s over the hill!”
“I’m not stopping you from leaving, but I will never give you any reason to. I will always give you everything you need.” There was sometime before either one of us said another word. I knew there was no argument to win, I hadn’t said anything that shocked or surprised him. But then, I spoke again.
”Dad, I’m just not good enough.” Again, a pause. Again, him not surprised. “If I don’t leave this place to become something greater, I will always amount to nothing. I am not good enough.
“Son.” After five deep breathes he broke his peaceful silence. “When was the last time you looked into the brook.”
“I don’t know if I ever have.”
“Look.”
I climbed down from his lap. I walked down to the stream. I peered into it. Even though it was swift enough to splash off my face, and cool me with its breeze, it stood a glass mirror beneath my feet. I peered in, and the reflection threw me into disbelief. I saw my Dad, standing over me. I realized that the picture was complete. I wasn’t missing anything.
“You see. You are complete. You are complete because of me. Not because of anything you will find across the river, or over the hill. You are good enough.
“But God, things are so screwed up. What do I do now? I’ve made mistakes. I’ve even ran away. My best just isn’t good enough.”
“I know, but my best is.”
This is the place. That is the reason. Thank you, Daddy.

,Chad

P.S. – Thanks for talking

I better be careful, or else my job around here might be in jeopardy. I’m just thankful that they still let me hang around here. I can’t believe I get paid to do this. I wish. It’s been so long since I’ve done my job, I better make this one sizzle.
I think that the capital heresy of the modern church is that we have it all together. There’s this wall between us and the outside world. It the un-penetrable force that keeps this thing from taking off. This attitude of us and them, and our inability to be broken in front of it. It’s like the father that says “Son, big boys don’t cry”, as stern and solemn as possible. But our Heavenly Father never says that. He never ever said, “Big followers don’t cry.” He simply says, “let me be there when you are, because in your brokenness is where I want to be. I count every tear.” And He said it in the most broken way he could.
If it ever seems that the Jesus movement got stuck along the way, it was probably when our necessity to different from the pagans became a necessity to be better than the pagans. We need to know when we can’t go on anymore. When your tired, you need to sleep. When you’re desperate, you need to cry, when you’re done, you need to stop.
There is a loss of brokenness, and it’s breaking us. It’s breaking me. Hopefully it’s okay to say “uncle” when I’ve had all that I can take. It need to be okay to ask questions, especially of God. It needs to be okay to be empty, because God can fill us up. Tomorrow is a new day. The birds will sing a new song tomorrow. The clouds will paint a new song tomorrow.

Psalm 126:4-6 (The Message)And now, God, do it again—
bring rains to our drought-stricken lives
So those who planted their crops in despair
will shout hurrahs at the harvest,
So those who went off with heavy hearts
will come home laughing, with armloads of blessing.

Psalm 126:5 (NLT) Those who plant in tears will harvest with shouts of joy.

Philippians 4:6 (NIV)
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Matthew 26 :39
Going a little ahead, he fell on his face, praying, “My Father, if there is any way, get me out of this. But please, not what I want. You, what do you want?”

Christianity is the only major religion where bowing isn’t about reverence to an unseen God. It’s not out of obligation, or fulfillment of destiny; it’s not out of reverence at all. In Christianity it’s about relationship, and in this relationship realizing our desperation for God. First and foremost it’s out of immitation. In the garden, Jesus came to the point of no return, the breaking point; the point where he either quits, or he walks into a bloody grave.
Just give up already. In that place we end up in a depressed place, on our faces, praying—the Christian bow. Desperate, crying, sometimes ashamed, and knowing, that this is the only thing that could fix anything. Reverence. Awe. Desperation. Relationship.

Luke 14:1-7The Story of the Lost Sheep

By this time a lot of men and women of doubtful reputation were hanging around Jesus, listening intently. The Pharisees and religion scholars were not pleased, not at all pleased. They growled, “He takes in sinners and eats meals with them, treating them like old friends.” Their grumbling triggered this story.

“Suppose one of you had a hundred sheep and lost one. Wouldn’t you leave the ninety-nine in the wilderness and go after the lost one until you found it? When found, you can be sure you would put it across your shoulders, rejoicing, and when you got home call in your friends and neighbors, saying, ‘Celebrate with me! I’ve found my lost sheep!’ Count on it—there’s more joy in heaven over one sinner’s rescued life than over ninety-nine good people in no need of rescue.

When Jesus asks the pastor’s that infamous phrase, “Wouldn’t you leave the ninety nine in the wilderness and go after the lost one until you found it?” I truly believe he was being sarcastic. The Pharisees and the other leaders would probably be laughing at him, because that’s ridiculous. Of course not. No one in there right mind would leave ninety-nine sheep just for one, especially when you have no idea where it is. You have ninety-nine sheep all in a cluster, all obeying, all going in the right direction. Forget the one sheep that is far too stupid to stay with the group. It’s probably the fifth time he’s lost the group, and it won’t be the last. He’s probably already dead anyway. Why on Earth would I leave the ninety-nine in danger to go get stupid old Donald anyway. Without a leader the ninety-nine become lost, and now, even against all odds I may have one found one, and ninety-nine lost, and I lose my job, my life, all for stupid Donald.If a shepherd ever did that and came home with one sheep out of the one hundred he’d left with that morning, and said “Celebrate with me! I’ve found my lost sheep!”

I’d say, “You’re an idiot. Where did all the sheep go.”

And he would say, “What do you mean? He’s right here!”

And I’d say, “No! There’s Donald, but where are all the other ones? You left with ninety-nine and you’ve come back with but one! What happened? Did you get attacked by a pack of ravenous wolves?”

And he’d say, “No! Donald ran off, and I left the others to go find him, and when I found him, I was so happy I picked him up and ran all the way back here.”

And I’d say, “You are a moron! I don’t know who’s stupider, you or the sheep.”

Why does the one appeal so much to Jesus, over the ninety-nine? The one has a rebellious willingness to disobey, to walk away. It’s his love for the one. It’s his understanding for our rebellion. It’s his love for me.
When I feel so alone, so useless and used up-when I feel my willingness to give up overtaking my desire to stick it out- I remember his willingness to leave the ninety nine, just for me. All I ever wanted, was to be wanted. I have that from my shepherd.

Tonight, at work, there was this man. He was a very normal man. He was Average Joe. As I started to talk to him, he started to talk to me about his night. He told me about his supper, the friends that he was meeting and the night that he was going to have. I then asked Average Joe if there was anything I could do for him to make his night any better-my standard line. His response? Average Joe asked for a woman.
My first thought was about Average Joe’s wife. I thought about her at home with his children, reading them their bedtime stories and kissing them goodnight before tucking them softly into bed. I thought about her only thought before fall asleep tonight being of him.
Then I thought something strange. I thought about Average Joe being a Christian. I wonder if Average Joe is a Christian. I thought about him on Sunday morning with his wife and his kids, the kids are running wild all over. She’s smiling, a kind authentic smile. He’s smiling, a kind, but more adhesive plastic smile.
For a moment in time I heard a piece of Average Joe that no one has heard in a long time. What he really thought. For so long Average Joe has been trapped in a life that he doesn’t want. He’s been lead to believe that this is all there is, that nothing can be any different. He love’s his wife and his kid’s and God, but this life isn’t what he wanted, and it’s starting to come out.
The woman said, “Sir, give me this water so I won’t ever get thirsty, won’t ever have to come back to this well again!”
He said, “Go call your husband and then come back.”
“I have no husband,” she said.
“That’s nicely put: ‘I have no husband.’ You’ve had five husbands, and the man you’re living with now isn’t even your husband. You spoke the truth there, sure enough.” (John 4:15-17)
Average Joe, it’s not just you, it’s me too, and it’s her, and it’s us. I need to know that there is more to this life than what I have right now. I’m sick of school, though i used to love it. I’m sick of work, though I used to love it. I’m sick of being here, in this place, though I used to love it. I’ve lost my passion, for many reasons, but most of all because my passion was destined to end sometime before I will ever succeed at anything.
There is a point when our passion needs to be replaced with…with…what ever the thing is that Christ is inside of us. That thing that enables people to be burned at the stake for following Christ.
There is something new under the sun for Average Joe. There is something new under the sun for me. There is hope. There is Christ inside of me…the future hope of glory.

(Colossians 1: 27) To them God has chosen to make known among the Gentiles the glorious riches of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory.

This is how I know that Christ exists, that is to say that He was born over 2000 years ago, died a Roman death, was resurrected to perfection and now lives as alive as ever…that I still go to church on Sunday. The fact that the body of Christ is still in her bridal gown, not struggling with the disappointment in the lack of return, but still standing in the anticipation of what is still to come. It’s because we change, we grow, we adapt to our world and our culture and we continually redefine what it means to be a Christian. Or, at least we should, because everyday we need to ask, “Christ, how do I follow you today.” And the answer to the question will be somewhat different every time I ask it, and as we ask it as a corporate body.
In 1517, a German priest wrote a list of 95 things that were heretically taught within the church. Fifteen hundred and seventeen years after the birth of Christ, things needed to change. Fifteen hundred years with no one asking the right questions, no one pressing for change, something was about to break.
325 AD brought about the Nicene Creed, when we firmly establish Jesus as fully God. An essential step. But reformation shouldn’t come in milestones, but perpetually, every day. When Martin Luther posted his 95 theses on the front door of the church, it was the very beginning of a long and hard journey which would see much blood shed before it was settled. It was the formation of the Protestant Reformation.
In today’s churches there is a large movement towards revival. We want to see people come to Jesus in mass droves, and that is amazing, and Biblical. But why bring them into the old? Why simply create a renewed passion for more of the same. More of the same meetings, and committees and arguments. Let’s bring them into something new, where we all find ourselves on new ground, all on equally ground. Not revival, but revolution.
Relationship with Christ is dynamic, living and ever changing. In our faith communities, our relationship with Christ needs to reflect that. Only then can Church be dangerous, life-giving, and encouraging change.
Perpetual reformation.

In this Pop-Christian Pentecostal North America there is a lot of pressure put on God to perform. We are always looking for the sign, the miracle, that special movement of the Holy Spirit. That’s a lot of pressure. But He stands up well to it. He gives, and He takes away.
I kind of see Jesus as a very street corner Jesus. He was a simple commoner, with no qualms about it. He didn’t over think things. He talked half as much as he listened, and when he spoke he changed the world forever. How does a carpenter from a hick village in the sticks of Israel change the world to such a radical degree over two thousand years after his life ended on this planet?
Jesus was a street walker. He has dirty feet, that’s why I follow him. He was a doer, not so much of a conferencer. That’s another reason why I follow him. He’s someone worth following, and this carpenter’s approach to being God became a new way or looking at God. It was new and exciting. It was edgy and marketable. It was practical and refreshing. It was personal, and it saved my life.
It was a carpenter’s approach to miracles that changed everything. It wasn’t flashy anymore, but it worked and that’s what counts.
It wasn’t so much pillars of cloud and fire, but standing and walking that did the trick. Instead of looking to the miracle to save our bacon, Jesus calls us to stand and walk. Instead of standing and waiting and looking for the huge miracle from God, we go about life. We just start to do it, and it happens…somehow…His how. Like when they had five thousand people to feed, and they had nothing to do it with. The apostles are freakin’ out, but Jesus sees that there is actually something, even though a little something. So he takes it and begins to pass it out. Even though it was a joke at first, almost mocking the crowd. “How do they get fed, but we don’t? There’s no point in even starting because the little bit each would get would merely be a tease, making us more hungry.” But he just starts to do, and somehow it happens, but it was his how. It was a miracle, but a carpenters approach at miracles. Subtle, but in hindsight common sense.
Just start and I will finish it. No matter what it is, just start and I will finish. Just take what you have and start passing out that basket of fish and bread. Just pick up your mat and walk. Just starting walking Peter. I know it’s water, but start and I’ll finish it. It’s so much so that I need a rear-view mirror on my life to see all the miracles that Jesus has performed on my life. It wasn’t bang and flash. It was saw and nail. It didn’t come in tones of a southern Baptist preacher, but in the dust and clatter of the workshop.
A carpenters approach to being God. It changed things.

Joshua 24:14-15
“So now: Fear God. Worship him in total commitment. Get rid of the gods your ancestors worshiped on the far side of The River (the Euphrates) and in Egypt. You, worship God.
“If you decide that it’s a bad thing to worship God, then choose a god you’d rather serve—and do it today. Choose one of the gods your ancestors worshiped from the country beyond The River, or one of the gods of the Amorites, on whose land you’re now living. As for me and my family, we’ll worship God.”

It’s so hard to worship God when there are so many other good things to worship out there. How can I be expected to only choose one? Like, what about television? Why can’t I worship television and God at the same time. They don’t interfere. They complement each other if anything. What would we talk about at church if we didn’t have television? I spend way more time watching television then watching God. And it’s easy to talk about television with my friends than it is to talk about God. I think that God should be a lot more like TV. I think He’d be a lot more popular than He is now.
What about John and the angel in the book of Revelations? “I, John, saw all these things with my own eyes, heard them with my ears. Immediately when I heard and saw, I fell on my face to worship at the feet of the Angel who laid it all out before me. He objected, “No you don’t! I’m a servant just like you and your companions, the prophets, and all who keep the words of this book. Worship God!”" Revelation 12:8-9.
There are so many things to worship. How does a guy choose? And why only one? What does worship even mean anyway? I guess I could look in a dictionary, that’s what they’re there for.
Okay…so ” reverent honor and homage paid to…any object regarded as sacred.” And sacred means “devoted or dedicated to a deity or to some religious purpose;” How much do I worship, if I set them up to that definition? To that extent I worship the church service itself. I even worship a pastor or two, worship leaders and bands too.
Oh man, I worship a lot of stuff. And that’s just it, only stuff. They are only people, no matter how Godly they are, and how much they mean to me, they are only people.

God…stop me. Stop me from bowing down at others feet in worship. How do I worship You…and You alone?

Philippians 4:2 “I urge Euodia and Syntyche to iron out their differences and make up. God doesn’t want his children holding grudges.”

Don’t hold grudges. Usually that’s what I’m pleading others for. Don’t hold grudges. I want to know what happened to cause such a riff between the two that it takes the Apostle Paul to step in and break it up. Like, it ended up in the Bible? I wonder if in the broader scheme of things these two would have seen the silliness of their differences, no matter what it was.
“Wait, we’re about going to go down in history here as being knuckle heads. Is this really worth it?” I know I need forgiveness from a lot of people on a continual basis, and I need to forgive others as well. I wonder if seeing the bigger picture would help.
My next question is this: How does Jesus go through all that he did…endure the death, even death on a cross, and not hold a grudge? How can you be tried unjustly, convicted wrongly and have your death sentence carried out illegally, and then after it all hang before God completely innocent of any crime and plead “Father, forgive them; they don’t know what they’re doing.”
Jesus saw the big picture.

Colossians 3:1-2 “So if you’re serious about living this new resurrection life with Christ, act like it. Pursue the things over which Christ presides. Don’t shuffle along, eyes to the ground, absorbed with the things right in front of you. Look up, and be alert to what is going on around Christ—that’s where the action is. See things from his perspective.”

In Canada, and in other countries around the world we have one day a year devoted to being thankful for everything we have. This day corresponds with the harvest, that’s why Canadian Thanksgiving is more than a month earlier than American Thanksgiving. It’s one day to reflect on and respond to everything that we have been blessed with.
On Thanksgiving, though life through my eyes may be lacking, even though I don’t feel thankful for very much, I am forced to take account for everything I have, and give God all the credit.
In our pop-Christian North America we give God credit for only the things we can touch, all the tangibles that we have accumulated over the years. That becomes dangerous. Two things: 1) Everything we have comes from God. No matter if it’s your wife, your toilet or your toothpaste. 2) He gives so that we can give back. It’s not for the accumulation of random goods, but as a declaration that God takes care of every need. In Old Testament Israel Thanksgiving was a whole year long. They called it the Year of Jubilee. It was a year where, out of their thankfulness, they made sure that the people who had less than they had would be taken of. They gave out of their thankfulness.
We accumulate so much stuff, so much that God has provided, and then we lose our thankfulness. Doesn’t it seem like such a scheme from the devil? When we start to accumulate the things that we’ve been given, especially for the simple pleasure of having. We take our identity and value from the things that we have, and Satan starts to say, “You worked too hard to get to where you are. What reason do you have to be thankful? You did it all. Thank yourself.”
In our accumulation of the things that God has given us, we no longer need to trust God to provide for us, we lose our desperation–our urgent need–for simply more of God. We accumulate it, we build up storehouses, and the people perish in starvation. God gives us what we need, but soon it seems somehow that our very need turns into our every want. What kind of Christianity is that? It is our desperation for God that keeps our friendship intimate and growing healthily. Why leave that?
Matthew 16:19-21″Don’t hoard treasure down here where it gets eaten by moths and corroded by rust or—worse!—stolen by burglars. Stockpile treasure in heaven, where it’s safe from moth and rust and burglars. It’s obvious, isn’t it? The place where your treasure is, is the place you will most want to be, and end up being.

I work at a hotel. It’s a nice hotel, and it’s the best job I’ve ever had. But, to my demise and in an ever increasing fashion in our pop-christian culture, it’s been my first job outside of a Christian context. It’s brought with it so many amazing opportunities I never had working the Christian job. Surprisingly, it’s been a lot easier and more natural than I thought it might be.
I made it up in mind before hand that I wouldn’t come to work in any t-shirt that said, “I love Jesus, so should you,” or even simpler “You are going to hell, get over it” on it. It may be to your chagrin that I’m not a desk-jockey evangelist, but I’ve had a lot more opportunities to show people Christ, than I ever would have had to tell people about him, and in a lot more of a meaningful way. I soon came to the realization that if I am ever to tell people about Christ, I better know what I’m really trying to sell them. There better be something there for me to sell. There better be some substance and depth to my desire to bring people into a relationship with Christ.
It better not having anything to do with the cool conferences and my youth service that brings in thousands of kids on a weekend. Christ better be actually doing something in my life, and if he is it better show, even without my words. The truth is that too many of my friends come to church for the hot girls and good times, and there’s nothing I can blame them for, because the truth is that I’m the one that told them, and showed them, that that’s what its all about. I’m so sorry. It is about so much more.
The strange thing is that my biggest struggle at work is when other Christians find out that I am one of them, and they say “so you’re a Christian!” I don’t know why, but that’s when I get nervous. I think the reason is that I don’t really know what that word means anymore. It means so much, and hence so little, all at the same time. And in so short an interaction, what do I say. That fact that I’m a Christian, and they’re a Christian…so what? Is it that in this post-modern context our words have lost all meaning.

Why? I don’t want to let go. It’s not fair; I don’t get any say. I turn my head and without a whisper you are gone. I said “No, it was fine.” But what I really meant that was, “No! Never leave me” This is why I came here. To see your smile one more time, but I never knew that I only had one more time.
Please tell me it’s all a dream, just a figment of my calloused imagination.
I told you that it was okay, that I would be alright, but none of that was true. I lied. It hurts like hell and I can’t concentrate on even the most redundant task anymore. My mind is filled with thoughts of merely you. Day and night, my actions have subsided to my implied intentions toward you, yet you are no longer here to notice them . I am left with nothing to do besides say the words that I should have said when you were around to hear them. I am left alone, though you are sitting right beside me.

DISCLAIMER: For my own protection, though it takes away from the message of this post, I must admit that this is not my truest deepest sorrows over a lost girlfriend, but a depiction of what I think Jesus really feels when we choose to ‘runaway’ from Him. I think, as heretical as it may sound, that Jesus’ persistence after us is like that of a man pursuing a woman. He has that kind of raw emotion, that gut wrenching pain when we walk away. There is nothing that I can do to make a girl love me, or even like me, and there is nothing that Christ can do to make us love him.

I remember those times when skinny my knee seemed like the end of the world. Once, I got going too fast down a hill on my bike. I got going too fast; I stopped even faster, with a thud shortly followed by a scream. There was blood, and I was dying. That’s all I knew.
Now, whether through ego, or through the simple facts of nature, skinny my knees has become less of a disaster and more something to be proud about. I seem to do a lot more often too, which I admit is strange.
For some reason now, things are more complicated. What really is strange, is that the things that I really do feel are the end of the world, I never gave a second thought too when my knees were bleeding. Whether it’s standing in the middle of my failure, contemplating my bankruptcy–both moral and financial or just watching the days go by in an odd fashion, where I actually question how sure I am that the sun will rise again tomorrow, I just don’t have all the answers anymore.
I don’t think I ever did it’s just that I thought that I knew that I did.
All I get from people who are older than me is that it only gets worse from here on in.
I miss having it all figured out. It was all so much simpler having it all figured out. I miss my own naiveness. I think that’s one of the first things God used to trip me up, that is to stop running from Him. He made me realize that I didn’t it all figured out. I just got tired of trying to keep on top of all the things I didn’t understand. I got tired of finding my own solutions to my pain–my scrapped knees. He didn’t catch me or force me to stop, but in a sense He did, because He forced enough questions that I had to stop and at least think.
I don’t think that God will ever catch me. I think he chooses not to catch us. I think he gives up the right to catch me. He wants me to choose to stop running. As in, “Please…just stop running…oh, please…just stop.” Like in ‘Mrs. Doubtfire’ when Robin Williams begs under his breathe for his children’s custody in a court battle with his ex-wife.
Just don’t underestimate how bad He wants you to stop running.

Thank you for coming in on such short notice. Do you have any question before we start?
No. Not really?

So, could you start by stating your name, and where you’re from?

My name is Chad Verity. I’m from southern Saskatchewan. The city…not the farm.

What are your major hobbies and interests?

I enjoy playing chess, drinking water…and watching the Simpson’s.

What kind of availability would you be able to offer this blog?

Well I’m free pretty much whenever I’m not busy, so like Saturday mornings, and Tuesday afternoons.

What religious observations do you…observe…if any?

Well, I try to go to church as much as possible. Is that what you mean?

Yeah. So would you consider yourself, like a Catholic?

I don’t know. The church is Pentecostal.

So when did you become a Christian? Could you briefly describe your conversion experience?

Well, right after I was born, God started chasing me. He ran after me until I was ready to let Him catch me. As far as a conversion experience, I guess I converted from hiding, to seeking. There came a time when I was ready to be ‘it’.

So why do you think that you are qualified to write a blog? Why would people care?

I think that we all have a story…some kind of story, to tell. I don’t consider myself any more qualified than anyone else, but maybe equally qualified. I think that everybody should right a blog…be transparent about out position and office we hold in this theater that is our world. Be transparent enough to be seen, be seen well enough to engage it, and maybe engage it enough to change it…just our scene in it, if not the whole play. Of course I can’t decide if people care, but I would hope that they would.

So do you think that your religion would effect your position here?

I don’t know. I kinda hope that something about my life with Jesus has sunk deep enough to effect me without thinking about it. I think that I want to engage my world enough to make somebody to take notice. I want to be here, in the earth, long enough for someone to notice me. I think that will effect my position here?

Well Thank you, Chad, I’ll let you know if you are what I’m looking for.