Hide and Go Seek Blog

Food and Jesus

I love food. I guess that would be an obvious statement to anyone who knows me; but I do. I can quite honesty say I am involved in a passionate love affair with food, which has been quite scandolous at times. Food has quite honestly shaped by life. From my daily schedule to my monthy budget, food and the consumption of food has a huge influence on the way I go about my day.
What’s more, there have also been individual meals that have changed my life as well. This one time at a very popular chain resturant I had a sandwich that came on a Ciabatta bun. The main attractions was a grilled chicken breast, but it was what accessorized the chicken breast that made it life changing. Melted brie, prune chuntey, slided apples, spinach. The simple ingredients of positive life change. This is how food changes lives, and shapes entire cultures.
You can see food in two ways. My brother, the kineseologist would see food as the essential fuel for your body. The gasoline for the V-8 engine inside of you. Food is divided into fat content, calories per serving, disected down the grams of fiber, iron, potasium and protein. How to eat, what to eat, and when to eat it. The formula for a healthy life style. Then…there is me. To me food and formulized charts do not intersect. I know that fat makes food taste good…everyone does. I know that cheese can make anything that normal tastes bad, taste good…everyone does. I see food as an experience. Food has the ability to bring an entire family fued together at one table, something even the UN cannot do. Food can spark the beginning of a life long love relationship, the beginning of a successful business partnership or cement a friendship that will years later be classified a “best friendship”. Food is the essential pause in an otherwise hecktic day. Food makes you forget about how crappy you are feeling, how screwed up things are and how far you are away from home. Either way, food is essential to a healthy lifestyle.
I think about that as I read the Bible. I guess there are also two different ways to read the Bible. You can take it apart, verse by verse, analyse it and break it down into its parenthetical structuring and rebuild it hermenutically until you have each Greek or Hebrew verb in its original context. The problem with that is it leads to viewing the whole of Christianity on a flowing grid chart. The entire Christian experience ends up in formula, it ends up in rules, ending up in regulations, ending up in obligations, ending up in sitting in a church Sunday after Sunday with no real idea of why you are there outside of obligations, regulations, rules and forulmas. Reading the Bible is simply reading the rule book. It’s devoid of life, of love and most of all relationship with the Author.
Christianity, all along, has been about the relationship with the Author. Memorizing verses of Scriture, while all good, as I have found it, has really been about skimming over love poetry and only ever reading selected lines, until I get to the bottom and realize that the poem was exclusively written for me.

, Chad

The Long Road Home

Hi. It’s been a while.

As a Christian you are constantly striving for a higher level of devotion to Christ. Sometimes, things happen, decisions are made that can destroy any sense of closeness, and leave you in a world of regret and and heartfelt anguish. You are left in a lonely room of you’re own guilt and shame. In that time of solitude, accompanied only by your memories of your actions, and the fear of what is to come, you cry out to God for forgiveness. Looking for any sign from above that God is still willing to call you a child. You don’t know what He’ll say, but you plead for forgiveness and wait for a response. And it comes in the late hours of the moonless night.
Forgiveness from God comes in an instance. The sacrifice Christ made to secure our salvation and forgiveness was an eternal sacrifice that covered the sins of an entire mankind for all eternity, and through confession and repentance we can live inside of that eternal forgiveness.
However, it is the internal forgiveness that is like walking the long road home. Sometimes it takes years to overcome the guilt and shame and truly forgive yourself for the things of the past. This is the hardest part of the Christian life–knowing that Eternal forgiveness is already granted, but that internal forgiveness is the long road home.
, Chad

Come Now, Thou Fount

Come, Thou Fount of every blessing,
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;
Streams of mercy, never ceasing,
Call for songs of loudest praise.
Teach me some melodious sonnet,
Sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise the mount! I’m fixed upon it,
Mount of Thy redeeming love…

O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I’m constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.

- Robert Robinson, 1758

Come now, my fount of many blessings. Make sense of this mess.
Yet when tomorrow comes, Your name still I will bless
Find me not outside your glorious will, find me in no sin
but now, I need a miracle, and find us friends again

Though you are above all else, and I underneath
My heart breaks daily at eye thy crimson sheath
Nye hour is upon us, the night standing still
for I find your grace again in the stroke of the quill

Find a way, give it air–Find a way to draw ‘er near
for here on my knees again, I consult every tear
lift my head in the time of thy angelic deed
and lift my heart in, O, my time of need

Come now, oh Father of every blessing, come in glorious splendor
Thou who was, and is–work as my glorious mender
Fall as snow once more, thy hour is near
And I will praise your name again, for you are here

– Chad

The Offering Plate

 “And Jesus sat over against the treasury, and beheld how the people cast money into the treasury: and many that were rich cast in much. And there came a certain poor widow, and she threw in two mites, which make a farthing.” Matthew12:41-42 (KJV)

The offering plate passes. The silver reflects the house lights back into your eyes, as your hand reaches out to receive it from the family of four you have never seen before. The silver steel brings a sudden cold surge through your fingertips. The fresh polish feels smooth, your fingerprints leave evidence of your greasy fingers, making you feel guilty for ruining the shine.

You have been preparing all week for offering. Normally, offering doesn’t warrant a second thought during the grind of the day to day, but this week was different. Something was different. This week, you looked around and saw some things laying around that you’d like to get rid of, so you brought them all to church with you. This week, there were some things that started getting in the way as you went about you’re business, so you brought them all to church with you. This week, some things started to make you upset, so you brought them all to church with you. This week, you ran into something, hitting it hard enough you actually cried, you brought it to church with you. Yesterday, you came across something that broke your heart into pieces, so you brought it to church with you.

So this week, you walk into church with bags full of things you’re going to put into the offering plate. It’s a little unorthodox, but there’s nothing that stops you from your intent. First, you write a check, just a few dollars, all that wasn’t going to room and board. But then, you grab from underneath the pew the multiple bags of endless things that accompany you to church today. You reach inside and begin placing items, the previous one always leaving room for the next.

In the plate, you place your regret, that time it went to far, the words you can’t take back, the promises that lay shattered on the floor. You place your hurt, all the things that people have said that you haven’t been able to wash off. All the times you’ve been pushed to the floor, unable and unwilling to stand back up. You place your hatred, for yourself. All the scars on your body, on your heart, from the times when the pain was too much. Into the plate goes your mistrust, of others, of God. In goes your resentment towards your friends, your family and the church. In goes your addiction to pornography, your struggle with lust and your thoughts about the next door neighbor.

The bags empty, they get lighter and lighter and then empty. Somehow they all fit, though it seems like you could have filled stacks and stacks of plates by now. The tears roll down your cheek and into the offering. As if a seal. “Wow, do I not have the words to say”.

Jesus, please please take it. Take my offering. I know it’s not fair. Two mites, and then all of this. But I can’t have this stuff anymore. Please, take it. It’s all I have to give, it’s everything I have to give. I’m so sick of this stuff lying around.

The offering plate. I think, in adding to my previous entry…we’ve missed the point. I don’t know what else to say, besides the fact that the offering plate, is the offering plate.

, Chad

It’s Okay to Cry Again

To be honest, here at the blog I strive for a certain level professionalism. When making certain assertions I use narrative to develop my statement, instead of coming right out and saying it, embarrassing myself in the process. This blog, while an expression of my relationship with Christ, and a tool in our journey together as Christians, is also an expression of my love and talent for writing, and so I do my best to integrate all three of those things when doing so.

However, it all flies out the window with this one.

Two words. Jesus Camp. It’s sad…because it’s true. This documentary from American film makers Heidi Ewing and Rachel Grady, travels with American children’s evangelist and pastor Becky Fisher through America’s Heartland, ending up at “Kid’s on Fire” Children’s Camp. Like fat camp for Pentecostals, Kid’s on Fire, held in North Dakota, represents a branch of Christianity that has absolutely missed the point. They have missed the point of the gifts of the Holy Spirit, they have missed the point on children’s ministry and they have missed the point of church altogether, in their blind affirmation of the Republican Party. They represent a facet of faith, completely out of touch with reality.

The devastation of this movie is two fold. The first is that the filmmakers portray this tiny faction of charismatics as the whole of evangelical Christianity, which is certainly not true. Yet, I could understand how they could come to such conclusions, and be lead to make such a film. Because, unfortunately, wacky charismatics are usually the most loud and proud about their faith.

Yet the second is more troubling. That is, that though there was a bias presented in the generalization of all evangelical Christianity, the film’s depiction of this particular sect of charismatics is fairly accurate. Though this brand of ubber-charismatics has existed since the great Pentecostal revivals, it stands as a great example of Christians missing the point.

The whole point of this entry is to point to one thing. Our ability to find relevance within our culture. Gaining the right to be heard by those around us. This was essential to Christ’s message to us.

“While Jesus was having dinner at Matthew’s house, many tax collectors and “sinners” came and ate with him and his disciples. When the Pharisees saw this, they asked his disciples, “Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and ‘sinners’?”” (Matthew 9:10-11)

The religious leaders didn’t get it. They didn’t understand. How could a religious teacher be with sinners? Doesn’t he understand the ramifications of his actions? He’s completly desecrated himself by being with these people! It was a completely counter-cultural action, and a mind blowing sight to see a Jewish Rabbi, such as Jesus was thought of, flying in the face of God’s law. Yet it was the religious leaders who didn’t understand. They were the ones who missed the point. Christ found relevancy with these men, the very men he came to save.

He knew that the only way He could do any good for them, the only way he could accomplish his task was this way. By being in their lives, by being relevant to them. By going out and reaching them and meeting them where they were, in their everyday lives. Jesus knew that there was no way he would reach this people by merely sitting in the synagogue or in the Temple court and teaching all day long.

In order to do any good for anyone, if took reaching across the universe, reaching across the cultural norms, across the accepted application of the Holy Scriptures themselves, to touch the shoulder and change the life of the lost people He came to save. In order to have a voice into people’s lives, to really make a difference, Christ broken all the rules, ate with the people he loved so dearly, cried with the ones that cried, laughed with the ones that laughed.

Something I didn’t expect to see in Jesus Camp, was the face of a man who was made famous for his evangelicalness, and even more famous for his fall from it. Ted Haggard made an awkward appearance in his former role as lead pastor of his megachurch in Colorado. Ted Haggard is an example for someone without relevancy. Now, before you turn your computer off at that comment, let me finish. The nicely packaged, press suited Ted Haggard had no relevancy, even more so after what happened. Yet, I think, the Ted Haggard that openly struggles with his own sin nature could have, in the appropriate setting, had tremendous relevancy. Tremendous relevancy in a society full of people struggling with their own sin nature. Don’t miss the point. Maybe God can do something with where we’re at.

, Chad

No Guarantees*

“As soon as the meal was finished, he insisted that the disciples get in the boat and go on ahead to the other side while he dismissed the people. With the crowd dispersed, he climbed the mountain so he could be by himself and pray. He stayed there alone, late into the night.
Meanwhile, the boat was far out to sea when the wind came up against them and they were battered by the waves. At about four o’clock in the morning, Jesus came toward them walking on the water. They were scared out of their wits. “A ghost!” they said, crying out in terror.
But Jesus was quick to comfort them. “Courage, it’s me. Don’t be afraid.”
Peter, suddenly bold, said, “Master, if it’s really you, call me to come to you on the water.”
He said, “Come ahead.”" (Matthew 14:22-33 MSG)

Nothing was out of the ordinary. The disciples had proceeded across the Sea of Galilee to the other side in order that they could prepare for ministry again the next day. They were simply following their teacher’s instructions as they started across, well into the night. They thought everything was going according to plan. They were in a situation that their master had put them. They acted in obedience, they weren’t afraid of anything, because they trusted Jesus, they trusted the calm of the Sea, they trusted the boat they were in, they trusted the skill of the people directed the boat along its course to their destination. They were comfortable with the way things were going, nothing was out of the ordinary. Nothing was wrong, in fact so much was right. They were in line with their Rabbi, their God and their plans. Everything was right. They were doing exciting ministry. They didn’t even fully understand how cutting edge they were in their faith and their obedience to Jesus. And in a second that all changed. In a single moment, there was a massive gap between where they were, and true faith-filled obedience. The movement they recognized Jesus walking on the waves, smoothly gliding to the other shore wasn’t quite enough. Yet, Peter was the only one to recognize it. In that moment, where he was wasn’t close enough to Christ anymore. Simply, because it wasn’t as close as possible. So, there was a decision to be made. Do I leave the comfort of this ship, the safety I have in this place, to go and be closer to Jesus. I’m confident in where I am. I know that this ship, if it maintains it’s present pace and condition, will arrive when and where I want it to. I am secure here, because I know that I’m wanted and respected and required in this place among my friends. So, am I willing to leave all of that, to risk on Jesus? Do I know it’s really him? How do I know that I won’t be leaving to my death among the waves? What if I lose my friends and all that I’m leaving behind, if only because I look stupid doing what I’m thinking about doing? What if I fail? What if I’m not good enough to be supported on the water? What if I’m not the one Christ wants? I bet he’d rather have John come to him. He loves John so much. Is this worth it?
I don’t think it’s much support to Peter, that thousands of years later, the fact that he began to sink in the waves still discredits him amoung Christians. Don’t you hate when your friends don’t let you forget your most embarrasing moments? But the truth is, for that moment in time, where he was wasn’t close enough for Peter. Removing the space between Christ and himself was worth the risk.

Your going along just fine. You’re comfortable in your situation. You have safety and security. I know when and where things will take place. I have the confidence of the people around me. In fact, all I’m doing is what Christ told me to do in the first place. I’m just following instructions. And yet, in one moment, when Christ appears, and asks me to leave a situation behind in order to follow him in a new direction, is it worth the risk? And I willing to follow? There are no guarantees*. It is worth leaving a situation behind, maybe a loved one, maybe a job, maybe an opportunity, in order to see what Christ will do if you have the faith to get out of the boat?

* “Never will I leave you;
never will I forsake you.” (Hebrews 13:5 b cf. Deuteronomy. 31:6)

, Chad

Stop and Wait

Two feet closer to the door
I stop and wait for you to speak
Nothing’s coming out, but I know
there’s so much on your mind

Why don’t you say
Why don’t you speak
Get it out into the air
if they saw the sun and died
but you don’t know to share
your words do more inside

One Last Kiss

The night is still, there is nothing making any noise. An air of anticipation rises as a gentle hum on the air and comsumes the senses. Chills run down the spine, but you dare not make a sound for fear of ruining the silence. This time is so special, everything you ever wanted it to be, and yet nothing of what you expected it to be. You close your eyes, but it’s so dark iit doesn’t make any difference. Questions surround your head, about what He will do next. You take one last deep breath, but stall as you realize that he is moving. He leans in. You can feel his breath as it warms your face. It smells as sweet as the grass after a gentle summer’s rain. Drawing near to your cheek, he places one last kiss.
Before the beginning of the world, of Father had placed a simple kiss upon the cheek of his creation, His Children, mankind. It was simple. It was soft. Yet for the rest of history it would define His relationship with us. It’s something we will never forget. Before we were created, God kissed us and said his one last goodbye. One last goodbye before we had to be placed on Earth, to chooce whether or not to call Him Father anymore. Saying goodbye crushed him inside. He felt as though He was willing to die, if only he wouldn’t have to say goodbye to a single child ever again. Yet, He knew that true love is only possible when we have the choice to love or not. Knowing that as soon as we take our first breath we would forget all about our Father, he kissed us goodbye one last time, and in so doing created in us something missing. In that one action, we were made incomplete without the kiss.
Nothing was the same after that. The colours weren’t as bright, the sounds of music felted muffled and blurred. Food had lost its taste, water didn’t quench your thirst as it did before saying goodbye… that is, before the kiss. Something is was continuallly lacking in our lives. As if something were calling us continually back to the presence of our Savior. We were made incomplete at creation, God’s way of continually reminding us that He is still needed in our lives. As if, when he kissed us goodbye that one last time, it was accomplanied with the words, “Please, don’t forget about me. I love you.”
Something is not the same, living life apart from our Father. It doesn’t quite do it the way that life inside of obedience to God does. Incomplete at creation, we are made complete once again, in Him. By allowing him to once again, place his face against our cheek, everyday..
“For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse.” Romans 1:20
God has written himself on everything around us, on every part of our daily lives, as a way of saying, “Don’t forget about me.” When was the last time you took the time to pause and look for God’s fingerprints on our daily lives? When was the last time I paused long enough for Him to place a kiss on me all over again? We were made lacking a certain comething from the very beginning, relationship witht the Father, the one complete one. Live in the constant reminder of the Prsence of Jesus Christ.

, Chad

Through it All

The rain, gently falling, leaving shadows on the windowpane. Making little noises, only reminding of the world outside the shade. Quite whispers, quite sniffles and a face to match the pain. Mascara blurred, standing witness and mimicking the shadows on the glass. Huddled in the corner she gasps for breath in a world devoid of air. Clenching her knees to her chests, her mind struggles to understand the hurt she feels. She lays her eyes on the bed and wonders if she still feels. She feels unclean but the running water can’t make her clean. All the soap in this world won’t change anything. She feels a thousand eyes starring at her in shame, through the silence all alone. He said he loved her, he was the first one to really care, but now she’s a billboard standing above the city square. No more life, no more hope, her dreams washed away in the shadows. No more color, just a smile posted for all to see. The stage was set, but it seems the act is done, and now it’s all over, but for the memories of what was, and the nothing yet to come. She cries for days, she doesn’t move. She can’t find the strength to make it back to stand. She thinks about her mothers words, she thinks about taking it all. Finding no way to make it back again. She sees a million smiles, but doesn’t feel a single person’s warmth. Unable to find a way to see the sun. Dark days and hopeless thoughts. How does she get back something she didn’t know she lost?

Does it need more explaining? Could an explanation even add to the scene? There are times in life when it seems like the train comes to a screeching stop. Bags go flying, you hit your head. The lights go dim and all you know is that you’re in the middle of nowhere; the wheels have stopped. All hope is gone and you struggle for life, something to get the train going again. It’s in those times when only God can get us back on track. And even then, the memories stop us from getting back on track. The Apostle Paul struggled with it, a lot actually. Even long into his conversion and his ministry, the thoughts of his past come into his mind. He remembers the faces of the people that he tortured and killed, as if it were yesterday. The faces of the crying children, as he dragged their mommy’s and daddy’s away to be executed for the simple faith in Christ that he was now professing himself. What a waste. How on earth could God use him? Most days, he wished that God wouldn’t. How can he look people in the eyes and talk about the love and grace of Jesus, when he brutally murdered so many innocent people for doing the same. The answer is simple. Because he had experienced in himself. It’s obvious that Paul struggled with the memories and guilt of the past. He constantly reminds his churches and Timothy that the old life is behind, and that the new life we live in Christ lives on in our stead. Galatians 2:20 Philippians 3:13 “Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead” No place is this struggle more evident that in 2 Corinthians 12:1-12.

2 Corinthians 12:7-12 “To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” Satan was using guilt to get to Paul. He saw the man of God that Paul has become, and his obedience in being used, and tried to take him down again. It would have worked if it was for these words: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” In Paul’s struggles, in his disappointing himself with his own actions, God shows him the true source of his power. It was God through it all. I’ve grown up my whole life in the church, as a self proclaiming Christian. I’ve spent the last two years in a comprehensive Christian Educational Institution. That means that not only have the worst things I have ever done happened while I was a reborn believer, but also while in Bible College. How do I move on from that? Paul had a conversion experience that marked, with a huge milestone, the difference between the old life and the new life. He had a ‘before Damascus’ life and an ‘after Damascus’ life. I don’t have anything. I have no excuses to hide behind, the shadow to veil the shame, the guilt or the blame. It’s in realizing that my salvation doesn’t come from within me, from my merit, but from Christ who died to give my life merit. I don’t surprise him. I spend a lot of time wish some things didn’t happen. Times in the summer. Things that have been sworn to secrecy in the band of Brothers. Things that I can’t wash away even if I tried.

Isaiah 1:18 “Come now, let us reason together,” says the LORD. “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.”

Good Bye Self

, Chad

The Two Wills

People make decisions every day. Big decisions that impact the future of other people, and small decisions required to function in that moment. Decisions for good, decisions for evil, but that’s non-consequential in saying that as humans we make decisions hundreds of times everyday. Most of the time we make them without much thought, and absolutely no idea of the end result or the long term consequences. Our ability to make decisions and be in control of our actions and our lives is a key distinctive of God’s human mechanism. The fact that free will has been built into us as a divine right is the key to unlocking the purpose behind our life. God has given us the right to choose, not only to be in relationship with Him, but the subsequent factors as well. We can choose what our relationship with God looks like, what church we attend, what our devotional life looks like, what kind of Bible translation suits us best. For this reason, I’ll refer to it as the ‘First Will’.

The ‘Second Will’ is the will of God for our lives.  Whether you believe that God’s will is based on predestination, that there is an exact will for your every decision, and so you aim to seek God distinct purpose for your every action, or you believe in God having a will that is generalized to His law, and whatever we decide that fits into the guidelines of scripture and the characteristics of God that we see without is a decision based on the will of God, both sides would agree that God has a purpose and intent for our daily lives. Jeremiah 29:11 would give warrant to such a belief. The God we see through the thin pages of the Bible is a God very much in seek of an intimate relationship with His Creation, longing to be very much a part of our daily lives. This is the Second Will—God’s desire to interact with us on a daily basis. To be intimately involved in our decision making process.

However, the First Will is recognized as the First Will because through God’s divine act of assent to His creation, the First Will supersedes the Second Will. We have the capacity to make decisions apart from the Second Will. The First Will can never be fully subjected to the Second Will, simply because our sin still acts as a barrier between us and the full revelation of God, and secondly, that’s the way it has to be. God needs us to make the decision in view of a broad view of options, in order for us to ultimately choose the Father.

People have free will. It’s a person’s free will to love. It’s a person’s free will to forgive, to heal, to cry and to be held. It’s a person’s free will to except the love another has to offer. And in that free will come pain, rejection, heart ache and the capacity for true love. The First Will is not perfect. The First Will brings pain, but only through the First Will can love exist in human form.

This is when the Second Will becomes the foundation of the First Will. God’s will is the foundation for our choices and decisions on the daily basis. Sometimes we mess up, we don’t get it quite right, but through it all God Will prevails. The Second Will is perfect. We must ask ourselves, in the pain of the First Will, is God trustworthy? The Second Will prevails, as the foundation of the world. This is the mysterious wonder that makes no sense. That though we walk through the shadow of the valley of Death, the death of relationships, the death of opportunities, the death of our dreams or visions, “I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” Is God trustworthy?

Though the First Will may say, “my free will is not to love, my free will is for this marriage to be over, my free will is for this baby not to be born, my free will for this business partnership to end, my free will is for this relationship to be over” the Second Will says “I have you in the palm of my hand, and I’m not letting go.” The First Will may have the first word, but the Second Will has the last word.

Even when the First Will brings pain, brings destruction, God’s will, the Second Will forms the foundation of the two wills. We know that in the end, The Second Will Prevails. There was a time, when things were not well, and I had responded to the situation in bitterness and condescension, that, in brokenness, I asked God, “Dad, can you still love me, even though I’ve turned away from you.” After a few moments, the only response I heard was, “Chad, I knew exactly what was going to happen, I knew how much it would hurt you, and I still let those things happen. Can you still love me?” Is He trustworthy?

Dear Dad, you know my heart and my mind. You know that I don’t trust you sometimes when things don’t go my way. But Dad, I still love you. Help me to trust you. Help me see that you have the world in the palm of your hand. Help me see that you’re Will is perfect, and that you have you’re best for me.
, Chad

A Recurring Theme

How far is God going to push me? How far is He willing to drag me across the finish line? How has he not given up on my yet? Every step I turn away from Him, He’s stil standing there, not in judgement, but with a face of preperation, in his “power stance”. Like He knows how bad I’m about to screw up, and He’s still there.

It seems though God has pushed me into a corner. I’ve felt so bitter and angry at everything I’ve gone through, everything that forms my story. I felt beyond useless, like when my mom makes a meal of all the week’s leftover’s put together. How does that make any sense? How can a collection of all the things no body wanted be desireable? Just write it off and start again. Learn from these mistakes from the past week, don’t push further into failure and make “the ultimate mistake”. What is He going to push me through next? What button do I have to push in order to get a break, at least call a timeout?

I think the worst thing that God could ever ask me to do is marry a prostitute. I get so emotionally involved in anything I do, falling in love with a corner-worker would kill me. My emotions would start cancelling each other out, I’d start smelling burnt toast and all of a sudden I’d be gone. I struggle with jealousy enough as it is, imagine having a reason to be jealous of every man in town.

But that’s exactly what God goes through when He choose to fall in love with us, not only did He know that it wouldn’t be returned, but that we wouldn’t even try and hide our adultery. We wear our adultury as a uniform, it’s our profession, our very occupation. This is played out in the book of Hosea, but something has come to mind today. God’s never going to ask us to go anywhere He hasn’t been already.

Though it may feel as though God is dragging me through the hardest time in my life, through it all He’s inviting me deeper into a relationship with Him, through experiencing His grace a fresh, for the first time in a brand new way. The terrible part about it is that until it becomes heart knowledge, it is stillborn as head knowledge. Until I allow myself to excerience this grace in the fullness that I can write it, then this part of the story remains unwritten. That’s where words grow wings and fly.

, Chad

Hey

I like to tell stories. Jesus liked to tell stories. He told stories to make a point, as well as draw his audience into his topic. He knew that unless they understood what he was talking about, it never would make a real world difference in their lives. Not that I want to justify anything, but I must admit that it’s a style I try and imitate. Telling stories to make an application. Painting a picture that associates to someone else’s own story.  I hope that as you read, you won’t be caught off guard by the candidness of my own writing, my own emotion, and my own feelings. Though I cherish your concern, I hope that my own dramatics do not overshadow the message that I am attempting to paint. Whether it be a story about a job interview, or a story about Grace, my dream and purpose has hopefully always been to strike a common heart beat with someone else, leaving them with hope, or my simply something to think about.
Friends, please forgive me if I have written with a secondary motive inside. This was never supposed to be a platform of burden, but a birthplace for hope. Those who know me best may disagree, and I thank you for that.
All the best, please keep up your side of the conversation

, Chad

Grace Called

Grace called, the other day. “How have you been?” She asked.

“I’m good, it’s Christmas time, always a busy time.”

“We haven’t had a good time in a while, you know.”

“Yeah, well I’ve been busy Grace, I know, I’ve been meaning to call, but you know, things happen. I’m sorry  I haven’t gotten around to it.”

“You sound tired, Chad, have you been resting?”

“I sleep when I can, sometimes there’s a late night, but I feel pretty good.”

“That’s not what I asked. Have you rested? I don’t think you’ve ever felt good enough to know what feeling good actually feels like.”

“Well thanks Grace…”

“Take the load off your shoulders once in a while. It doesn’t have to be there anymore. You know we’ve offered to take it from you. You should let us once in a while.”

“It’s just my thing. There’s nothing that anyone else needs to do for me. It’s my responsibility to carry it.”

“It doesn’t have to be, Chad.”

“For right now, it does.”

                “What about your girlfriend, how is she?”

                “We broke up, but we’re still friends.”

                “Still friends? Well that’s good.”

                “Yeah, it is.”

                “You know Chad, we’ve been talking about you lately.”

                “Oh, yeah, what about.”

                “Just you in general. It doesn’t seem as if any of us have spoken to you in a while.”

                “Well, I’ve been busy.”

                “Yeah, we figured so…How are you really feeling Chad? I know things have been rough lately, but you need to know we’re there for you. Your girlfriend, school, going home for Christmas, why haven’t we talked earlier? You shouldn’t have to go through this stuff by yourself.”

                “Grace, I don’t want to talk about it. It’s just something I have to deal with for right now.”

                “I just feel as though I hardly know you anymore, it’s been such a long time. You’re turning into a man, look in the mirror, and I don’t know you anymore.  I know that there’s something inside that you’re too afraid to tell anyone, but what is it?”

                “Nothing, Grace. I just need to take care of some things, and I’ll come visit when I’m done. I’d love to see everyone again. Just for now I’m a little busy.”

                “You’re good enough to come now, do you know that?”

                “No, I don’t think I am, I don’t think you understand my situation.”

                “What situation, Chad? There has never been a situation before when I couldn’t help?”

                “I know, just not this one.”

                “What is going on Chad?

                “Do you want to know what’s going on? You really want to know? It’s all messed up Grace. I feel like I’m living in a puzzle where none of the pieces fit together properly. The more I force them together, the less the picture makes any sense. I’m a block on ice inside, and it feels as though it has been smashed into thousands of sharp pieces, poking me from the inside. I feel as though there’s no where to turn.”

                “You can turn to me, you’ve always come to us.”

                “You don’t even know, Grace, where I’ve been, things have changed, I couldn’t come now.”

                “I know Chad. We talked about it. We all know.”

                “Well there. Then you know. So stop asking.”

                “That’s why I am asking. Because I know. I know you’re crying on the inside, but you’ve stopped being able to do it on the outside.”

                “It’s because no one cares to see it. No one should have to see it.”

                “They care Chad, we care.

                “Yeah, well, prove it. I didn’t see you guys when it hurt the most. When I really needed you, I was just left there, hurt, alone and worst of all…abandoned.

                “That’s not true Chad, we were there. We’ve left messages with you’re answering service. We even wrote letters. E-mails. None of them redeemed a response though. That’s why you should come Chad. Stop beating yourself up. Rest. Take the weight off your shoulders. It’s not your fault. “

                “See, Grace, I know all that stuff in my head, but it just never makes it to my heart. I know a lot of stuff, hear the same answers to my problems all the time, but it never does any good. I know a lot of stuff, but believe very little.”

                “Come Chad, the door is open. I am waiting for you.”

                “Grace, you know I’m too busy.”

                “Too busy for Grace?”

Jesus Christ to Buddy Christ

Does the coolness of Christ help the Christian Cause or Hinder the Message of the Gospel…or both?

It’s hard to tell, watching the news, reading the newspaper and magazine articles, whether or not the Christianity thing is the latest pop-culture crazy or a culturally diverse religious revolution that has divided the entire world for two thousand years and counting. In a little town in the Middle East a small child was born to a woman claiming to be a virgin.
Today we mark the occasion with a celebration that brings together King and peasant alike. Yet when it happened it was the source of little fanfare, but the start of something big. The birth of Christ is the cornerstone of the Christian faith, the celebration of which being the difference between the God of the Universe and the Baal of the Old Testament—God’s persistent, pursuant love for his children. Christianity is the only major world religion that is based around a creator’s love and desire for deep growing relationship with His creation. And Christmas, one of two celebrations of that, is dead. It’s been swallowed by advertising and marketing and presents and everything to do with Christmas. One question that needs to be asked is…Has Satan won Christmas?
In the forth century, the emperor Constantine, who will remain my favorite historical figure next to Jesus himself, made Christianity the Roman standard for the day, one of the most unforeseen political moves in time. At that time, the church starts to become inundated with a barrage of diverse beliefs, world views, motives and culture. It was no longer the secret sect striving for life, but now the talk of the town. The doors were opening for the church to become the overriding powerhouse, both socially and politically, into bigger stature and into bigger buildings. Yet was the message of Jesus Christ become less and less the centre of attention? Did it become marginalized next to what would become a simple and subtle struggle for power in the church—and reflected by the state?
The message of Jesus Christ reflected by the church turned from “make disciples” into “make believers” a huge difference in meaning and in application and a very relative term at that (Believe what?). Jesus is now content with attendance and involvement, instead of the old days when He was only ever interested in being absolute Lord over a man’s very life.
Christ is the servant of all, but does that mean that he is at our beck and call, there for our every need? There was one time, I remember, when a man found Jesus walking on the road. He was exciting for the opportunity to actually meet this Jesus, from Nazareth, that everyone was talking about.
Indeed, there was quite a buzz surrounding the man, a mysterious presence that surrounded him. It must have been this mysterious presence that attracted the large following that began to travel and live following him around the region. This following actually had friends of this man in it, maybe even some family members. This lifestyle, this following Jesus around, seemed like a very lucrative deal. It had perks. No work, simply life on the road, stopping to listen to Jesus’ teaching and see incredible things that no one could fully explain, living on the charity of the local hosts. It was like being a roady for Jesus.
Finally, an opportunity to become of those roadies. Finally, an opportunity to meet the man that everyone has been talking about, and ask him personally to follow him. There was an expectation of tremendous gratitude at the anticipation of another loyal follower. The timing wasn’t perfect. The house wasn’t in order. There were things in the man’s life that needed to be accomplished before he could leave it all behind to go on the road, but the man knew that Christ would wait for him, that in a short time, he could join Christ on the road.
Indeed, the man was met with such anticipation that it was Christ who asked the man, first, “Follow me,”
The man said, “Jesus, I want to follow you, I do, but let me first go and take care of business at home, so that I can go on the road and live with you and the other disciples without having to worry about my family or my workers. Will you still be here when I get back.”
Jesus’ reply took away all hope. “let your house take care of itself, for to follow me means following me now, for when you return I will be gone.” (Luke 9:59-60 Chad’s paraphrase)
It is the amazing realization of the dreams and goals of the Kingdom of Heaven for the message of Christ to be popular all over the world—but only if it’s the right message. I don’t think it is. The message of Jesus Christ that the world has adopted as popular is in complete disarray to the reason Christ was born two thousand years ago. The message is no longer about relationship, friendship, Fathership, sacrifice and Lordship. Christmas is not about Christmas anymore.

(Untitled) In November of 2006

Have you ever felt as though you had come to the edge of your own self. Right now, it’s November. It’s so cold outside. It’s so dark outside. It’s so dark, cold and alone outside. I feel like I’m standing on the edge of my own capacity to live. I’ve gone as far as I can go, before I am not able to go any further. All the hurt, and all the silence, and all the rejection, and all the pain get in the way of going any further, and so I sit on the edge and cry. I’ve come to end of the line.
God, I’ve come to the end of the line. I’ve come to the edge of my own ability to live. I have come to an end. If I am ever to stand up and go any further, than it can only be through you. I don’t know what to pray. I don’t know what to ask, but it seems like my scene is coming to a close. I am to needy to do any good to anyone. I am to desperate to do any good for anyone. I’m losing friends. I’m losing the only people that ever meant anything to me, and I can’t say it’s my fault. The enemy is good at what he does.
Pain is God’s loudspeaker to a dying world. (C. S. Lewis) It’s true. It seems that while He was knitting me together in my mother’s womb, He didn’t make me as complete as He could have. It seems that he left certain things out, in order that I may come to know and love the Lord. I will never come to the point where I am sufficient without God. I am to incomplete without Him. But it hurts. Nothing is ever perfect.
I am so sorry that I am this way. I am so sorry I am not what you deserve. I live to please you, but I can’t so what good am I to you?
God, you have my attention. Now do a miracle. Please, for our sake.

, Chad

To Dale

Today in church, we have certain values. These values are certainly different than the ones former ages of Christians once had. At a glance, the values of the first Christians were fellowship, sound doctrine and last but not least, staying alive after holding to the first two. After the days of Constantine and the rise of the church to a state of power, both theologically and politically, things changed. After the fourth century, church moves from being a backroom sect of Judaism, unto the mainstream. For the first time, church is cool. Christianity is cool. Constantine made it cool. Literally, church was the only option.
For the first time, people flood the sanctuary. People from all walks of life. People from different belief systems, different backgrounds, different religions. It may be true that the first church potluck as of belief systems, and not cabbage rolls. All of a sudden there were things we couldn’t really say anymore. Things needed to be explained in more depth, and values changed. We started to value big. We started to value flash. We started to value the depth of the size of the crowd, instead of the depth of the heart of the crowd.
Sound familiar? Today, we have much of the same value systems. Christianity has become a seeker sensitive place where things that are big and flashy and large in populous win out over things that are good and true and sound. There is a pop-Christianity that looks good, it comes as a label for everything good that Christ came to do for us, yet like any label, it only lies skin deep, possible masking the shottie workmanship and substance of the material itself. Like any t-shirt I could buy at the corner boardshop, with the hottest brand plastered all over it. I willingly pay an obscene amount simply for the label. I am not paying for the t-shirt itself, but to take on the image of the value systems and beliefs of that brand onto myself. I make it look like I am a fun-loving wild party animal, talented and the life of the party. Though it’s absolutely not true. I can pay money to make people think that.
With Christianity, the same thing applies. I can take on the image of the values and beliefs, I can make everyone look at me a certain way, even though it’s absolutely not true. Somewhere along the line, we turned our attention from God, to other people. We started to put stock in the opinions of others, and lost our focus on the Word of God, the life of Jesus and the conviction of the Holy Spirit.
Throughout history, from Genesis right through to Revelation, there has been and always be a righteous line that continues in righteousness and carries on as the bride of Christ. They strive for the things of God. They don’t ride the line. They forget about being edgy. They run away from the edge and strive for righteousness. They know that righteousness is about knowing that the only thing that matters is staying the course and finishing the race. They know that the only safe place is under the wings of God, as far from the edge as possible.
This place, this blog, has never been a place for empty words, but words of hope, truth and promise. I never want to use my position to brown nose. The following words are words of truth, hope and promise.
This blog entry is dedicated to Rev. Dale Reesor, a dear friend of mine. Today I learned a lesson in what really matters. My aspirations to attain high positions of Christian leadership do not matter. Any desire to become famous fell in meaninglessness. Any hope of become big, flashy or attractive to the numbers were shown for what they really were, a hope of becoming worth something.
I learned today that I am worth something. I learned that what really matters are changing people, and being changed by people. I learned that all that really matters is finishing this race for the glory of my Lord Jesus Christ. Thank you Dale. Go, and finish the race.
Love,
Chad

Homeless Christianity

Walking into a fast food restaurant along one of the more trendy streets of Edmonton, Alberta I am caught off guard by a sight that I was simply unprepared for. It came without warning, yet maybe it did, but there in the entrance was someone’s home, the true definition of temporary. A sleeping bag lumped into a disorganized clutter, making it impossible to overcome without having to stare the stark reality of the truth of this message right in the face.

As the winter sweeps in on the city, the homeless that runs epidemic in this city is forced to manifest itself in an even more depressing, yet powerfully unforgettable way. The homeless are forced to come out of the shadows to find warm in fear of losing life. They watch the memories of their shattered lived dance in front of fires set in trash cans, do whatever possible to forget. Forget the past. Forget about the present. Stop thinking about the future. The mild tendency to stay forgotten is replaced by a desperation for staying alive.

 

At this point comfort is a foreign dream. They are driven by a need for the basics of life. Food. Water. Warmth. They are so desperate to stay alive that they have no problem getting into the comfort zones of those around them. There begging becomes for immediate. Their search for warmth lands them in places that they will surely be evicted from. There desperation leads them to do things no other human with all the comforts of home would ever dream of doing. The homeless are looked down upon in society, not only for their situation, but for the distance they are willing to go to get into our comfort zones—out of desperation—in order simply to live.

 

To be truthful, this desperation is inspiring. It reminds me of something Jesus once said. In Luke 9:58 “Jesus replied, “Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.”” It reminds me that on this Earth, I have no home. Apart from my inheritance in Heaven, as a follower of Christ, there is no place on Earth I can home. On this planet, this side of ultimate grace, I am a homeless Christian. And what kind of desperation do I have for the basic needs of this Christian life. My need for water, when Jesus says to the Samaritan woman “”Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” (John 3:13-14). My need for food, when Jesus quotes Deuteronomy 8:3 “It is written: ‘Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.’” (Matthew 4:4). What about warmth, when the writer of Hebrews, quoting Deuteronomy 4:24, proclaims that, “…since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, for our “God is a consuming fire.”

 

Where are my desperation for God gone? It’s been forgotten in the comfort that I have lackadaisically accepted inside of the gospel of convenience I have adopted. I may look better, be better paid for what I do, have more friends, come with more prestige, more precedence, I may even come in miracles, but I have lost my true effectiveness, because I have lost the gospel, and my first love (Revelation 2:4). A homeless man off the street would go up to another man and beg for a piece of bread to save his life, but I will not go up to another man, with my piece of Bread, in order to save his life.

 

, Chad

My Superhero Self

Deep down inside I know without a doubt that I am a superhero, complete with superhero powers. You probably would have no idea if I hadn’t of told you. But, it’s true. They call me the Crimson Bull.
This is my insight into what every man wants.
The heart of every man in wild. It beats at its own rhythm. No man was every made to be chained to a desk. No man was made to not live by the mountains, near a lake. No man was ever made to stop, drop and roll.

#1 – Every man needs to be valued. That’s why everyman aspires to be a superhero. They want to be valued by society. They want to be wanted. They desire intimate relationships with people who develop a necessity of him. They want to be the best at something, most of the time everything. They grunt loud, play hard and bleed a lot, just to be valued as a player in society.
Men find value through the love of a good woman, teaching their boys to hit baseballs with bats, ride a bicycle and tune a Harley and showing their girls how they should be treated by any other man.
- A man who is suffering in this area will begin to irrationally find ways to be valued. This may include purchasing season tickets to the local professional sports team, joining the men’s hockey league at age 50 with no former playing experience, or even more dangerously getting into pornography or even adultery were fantasy is the only source of value.
- Possible Remedies – Let a man know he’s valued. Don’t be afraid to show them you like them, or even love them.

#2 – Every man needs to be noticed. Super-heroes rarely hide their supremacy. They can’t because of the great contrast between them and the normal Joe on the street. Ever notice the great lengths men will go to gain the attention of another human being, and usually a mass crowd of other human beings all at once. They paint their chests at the football game. They honk their horns in traffic. They yell at the television. It’s not unlike a man to desire the centre of attention. They love loud. If I man likes a woman, she will know, and know often. Unapologetically.
- A man suffering in this area will begin to find other ways to get the attention of other people. These could take the form of problem risk taking behaviors such as model railroading, taking up a paper route or getting a pet bird. Unfortunately, the danger is that without the proper recognition in a man’s life, he will slowly drift to indifference, unable to perform the tasks that gave him value.
- Possible Remedies – take notice of his value. Let him know you notice.

#3 Every man needs to be fearless. Superheroes are never afraid. They have no reason to be. Nothing stops them from doing what they need to do. For men, nothing stops them from doing what they need to do. Whether it’s telling that girl how they feel, or making that tackle in the forth quarter to win the game, nothing stops them from accomplishing the task. No fear, not out of macho egotism, but out of a need to be noticed for their value. They need people to know they can be counted on. They need to conquer the mountain. For some the mountain is a job promotion. For other’s its just one single date. Men will go after these things that they want, without realizing any inability to conquer them.
- A man suffering in this area will begin to simply stop going after those things that they truly want. Billy Graham is a man who goes after the things that he wants, the things that God calls him to. Men who stop, simply stop. They stop functioning as fully man. They stopping showing their feelings. They stop asking.
- Possible remedies – Just be understanding.

, Chad

The Hour of Christ’s Return

The twelfth of July, 2006. Hezbollah, a paramilitary militia from the southern country of Lebanon, a predominantly Muslim nation, fire rockets aimed the Northern region of Israel. This starts what will be known throughout the region today as the July War. Not surprisingly, it also instigates again the talks of a long ago resurrected man from Nazareth, Messiah and savior of the Jews. The talks are of his foretold return. The return prophesied by Christ himself in the Gospels. And so the murmurs start of the end days, of mysteries and prophesies spoken long ago in a time of unbalance in the kingdom.
A guest, at the hotel, asked one day in July, “So…Is this the big one?” I was puzzled at first, but soon realized that it was this return that he was talking about. “Is Christ coming back,” he continued, “Is this the end?”
The expression in his face was no more serious than any answer I could give him. I looked at him and simply said, “I hope so.”
To qualify my answer I continued. “I think that this mindset of living in the days of Christ return is something that God never intended us to lose. These people in the middle east are forced to live everyday in preparation for it being there last, simply because the bombs are dropping, and at any moment it could be the end. That’s how God wants us to live. In the days of Christ’s return.”
This brings a supremacy to living out God’s commandments. No more lackadaisical nominal faith, but a Christianity that becomes pertinent out of necessity. Even more, life becomes romanticized-that is, passionate and fervent because we start living. Living for right now. We start making the decisions that we should have made a long time ago. There is an urgency in every action. You start thinking about the little things. Brushing your teeth moves from the mundane to a sacrifice of essential moments in history.
In a time when we have long forgotten the urgency of Christ’s return, as a corporation of human beings, we tend to sit on the fence a lot more. In Matthew, 12:36, Christ states that we will be judged by every idle word that we speak. I think that in a time of Christ’s return, words are used carefully, the most pertenant ones first. The words that would have the most impact. The apologies that need to be said. The “I forgive you”‘s that can’t wait any longer.
“Do you know how beautiful you really are?”
“I love you so much, son”
“Daughter, you are my princess”
This is my mission. To live today. To not be afraid to be honest about how I feel, about what I know. To live with no regrets. To live in the hour of Christ’s return. To realize that the past in the cradle of God’s grace. To realize that the future really is a figment of our confident imagination, because in the past there has never been a reason to doubt the continuation of my right now. All this to know that as a belief in Christ, eternal life has already begun. To live as a heaven bound creature is to know that the right now is all there really is. I won’t, I cannot, let that go. I’m done sitting down and watching my dreams die in obscurity. I’m standing to live with no regrets. My words, I’m going to mean them. My thoughts, I’m going to process them a little to make I won’t regret saying them, and then I’m going to say them.
To me, this is living in the hour of Christ’s return.
, Chad

Thank you for Talking

Psalm 23: 1-3
God, my shepherd! I don’t need a thing.
   You have bedded me down in lush meadows,
      you find me quiet pools to drink from.
   True to your word,
      you let me catch my breath
      and send me in the right direction.  

This verse from one of David’s Psalms has easily become one of the most sought after verses in the Bible for people in need of comfort. Whether struggling with anxiety or grieving the loss of a loved one, it’s gentle wording brings comfort to the hurting wounds in our lives. This has been my experience.
When life becomes to much for me to handle, when I’m on the verge of throwing in the towel, I find myself on the shores on a bubbling brook, sitting in the lap of my Father and smelling the sweet grass in the summer’s sun. The heat of the air warms up the dew that sits in quite on the individual stalks of long-grass. I can feel the heat around me, but I soon realize that I am soothed in the shade—the shade being provided by my Daddy
I am free to get up and drink from the river, which is clear as the afternoon sky. I am assured that it is cool and refreshing, but as I look to the stream, I know that I am in need of neither a spot more comfortable, nor refreshment. I am in a place passed satisfied.
It’s a place of honesty, where my Father has taken care of everything, down to the last crossed ‘t’.
There is nothing left to do, only to talk and share with Him my mortal heart. “Dad, I’m so sorry. I blew it…so bad. Dad—my best just isn’t good enough. I’m crushed, but I know deep down that it’s no one fault–but my own. Here, in this place, I know that You are my everything. You provide for me, everything I need. When my dependence on something else, or even, to my utter chagrin, someone else, causes me to lose sight of You and your ever present role in my life, I lose hard. Worse yet, I go down swinging.”
“Chad.” There was a pause in His voice, not as if He were struggling for words, but only letting me know that He is going to use correct ones. “I hate seeing you hurt.”
“I know, Lord. I know.” I cut Him off, but I’ve heard it all before.”
”I know you’ve heard it all before, but it’s true. Can’t you see that when you lose sight of this place, you get hurt? When you venture over the hill, or cross the river into the forest, you get hurt. When you forget about this place, and realize that you’re in need once again, you look to something else, some times even someone else, and you get hurt
“Well, what do you want me to do about it? This place isn’t everything. I want to know what’s across the river! I wanted to know what’s over the hill!”
“I’m not stopping you from leaving, but I will never give you any reason to. I will always give you everything you need.” There was sometime before either one of us said another word. I knew there was no argument to win, I hadn’t said anything that shocked or surprised him. But then, I spoke again.
”Dad, I’m just not good enough.” Again, a pause. Again, him not surprised. “If I don’t leave this place to become something greater, I will always amount to nothing. I am not good enough.
“Son.” After five deep breathes he broke his peaceful silence. “When was the last time you looked into the brook.”
“I don’t know if I ever have.”
“Look.”
I climbed down from his lap. I walked down to the stream. I peered into it. Even though it was swift enough to splash off my face, and cool me with its breeze, it stood a glass mirror beneath my feet. I peered in, and the reflection threw me into disbelief. I saw my Dad, standing over me. I realized that the picture was complete. I wasn’t missing anything.
“You see. You are complete. You are complete because of me. Not because of anything you will find across the river, or over the hill. You are good enough.
“But God, things are so screwed up. What do I do now? I’ve made mistakes. I’ve even ran away. My best just isn’t good enough.”
“I know, but my best is.”
This is the place. That is the reason. Thank you, Daddy.

,Chad

P.S. – Thanks for talking